Bickmo's secret life. The secret? It's a secret.

I rode into town on a stringy old horse. Plopping down to get him some water, I noticed a sign. It read, "Yer kind ain't wanted here", and the sign underneath it said, "You. With the blue eyes and hat. Git."

So I gitted -- my .22 caliber rifle that is, and blew those signs straight to the Underworld. Taught 'em a lesson, I'd say.

And so begins the obligatory "About Me" section of the CoryBickmore.com website. Never fear -- I shan't compose it in perfunctory fashion. It boasts all the details: gory details, festering details, and rainbow lollipop details. You can't wait to read on.

I began my life much like you - running towards the light. I am the oldest (more or less) of three children, plus I have have an older brother and younger sister who are both only children. And, yes, that is a factually correct sentence. My mother is a dedicated writer with three publications to her name, while one of my sisters has authored one. Me? I write humor columns. And you love them. Give in to your need.

Mom raised us three in Fruita, Colorado. Does that make me a Fruiton? A Fruitite? The debate shuffles on. Fruita has it all -- a small town atmosphere near a larger city and rural farmland, a Southern Utahesque national park complete with soaring red canyons and, nearby, the gorgeous Rocky Mountains of Rocky Mountains fame.

I attended Brigham Young University many, many times during my teens and twenties, graduating every now and then, accepting scholarships and artificial church callings while dodging the new campus construction project of the week.

In the eternal wife department, I have very nearly been almost engaged, but I blame my romantic failures on girls and Coco Puffs. I have loved several times, and have been loved several times beyond that. Hooray for me, I guess. Oh, and I hate pink.

Quick Facts

• is the eldest of the Mad Rats.
• can breathe out his right eye socket.
• despises it when girls label the mildly overzealous yet harmless suitor a "stalker".
• still knows by heart a slightly bawdy song about a rooster after hearing it only once when 11 years old.
• has participated in more conversations about dating than you've had hot meals.
• adores pine trees.
• appreciates pulchritude.
• unlike other LDS performers and authors, finds humor in our world BEYOND romance and marriage.
• is the coolest nerd you know (or wish you knew).
• writes about himself in third person (this also is nerdy).