An avalanche of fan mail continues to pour into the Land of Bickmo Leftslice. What shall I do with it all? Post it on my blog? Sounds good.
A wonderful, sweet, perceptive, nice girl named Haley sent me this wonderful, sweet, perceptive, nice email the other day. The content is edited, in part for readability and space considerations, but mostly to highlight the flattering bits. They might be in bold print. She writes:
[My friend] whipped up your website on his computer and showed me…your columns, which amuse me greatly but more importantly validate my reality. Since then I’ve perused through some of the other features of your site and have been pleased to find that you too are a fan of Homestar, engrish.com, and despair.com…
[Translation: I complete her because I am the funniest guy on Earth. I had her at "hello".]
So I guess the purpose of this email is to tell you that I think you’re a very talented writer (my personal favorite being the minute-by-minute detailing of a typical Sunday block [read the article here.]) and that you’re coping with singledom very gracefully….I think there are a lot worse things [than being unmarried] in this world, even in this LDS world we lovingly call “Utah”.
[Did you catch her "you're a very talented writer" compliment? Just making sure.]
I guess that’s all. Oh, I did want to apologize on behalf of female kind for the ridiculous things we do sometimes. However, as I tell many of my guy friends when they complain about girls: if you want a mature relationship, date a mature person.
[That takes me out of the running. Who needs mature women anyway? Oh yeah. I do.]
I sent Haley a wonderful, sweet, perceptive, nice reply to her email, but I forgot to save it for you all. Sadly, it is gone forever. Wipe those tears, silly. They won’t bring it back, now will it?